1. Self-destructing voice text
2. Emoji hieroglyphics
3. Venmo request for “breakup fee”
4. ARG (Alternate Reality Game) left in YouTube comments of Ariana Grande video(s)
5. A very explicit breakup sketch in your next comedy show
6. A very explicit breakup bit in your next improv show
7. A very explicit breakup bit in your standup routine
8. Ordering an Uber to their apartment, but with a new account named “Jeff is breaking up with you.” Use their card.
9. Start a podcast about relationships. Invite Jerry Ferrara of Entourage fame. Have him break the news.
10. An empty Slack channel entitled “reasons we’re still together”
11. One of those Snapchat filter games where the prize is breaking up
12. Viral video (sneezing puppy, sneezing panda, sneezetc.)
13. Bribing Scott Rogowsky to do it during that night’s HQ Trivia
14. Interpretive dance (in Fortnite)
15. Pinterest board. Like for weddings, but the opposite.
16. Hacking their iCloud and putting an event on their calendar. With two reminders.
17. Sharing a document detailing your breakup via Google Drive
18. Sharing a document detailing your breakup via iCloud Drive
19. Sharing a document detailing your breakup via Dropbox
20. Postmating their toothbrush at your place back to their place
21. Buzzfeed quiz. All answers are “breakup.”
22. Unsubscribing from their monthly holistic healing newsletter (they’ll know)
23. Stop watching their Instagram story (they’ll know)
24. Creative use of Bitmoji. Preferably crying.
25. 24-hour charity stream on Twitch that culminates in a highly-viewed breakup
26. An adult conversation Memes