The Ten Most-Read Robot Butt Posts of 2019

Congratulations on making it to the end of the 2019! Your prize will be enduring 2020, which will feature nonstop election coverage from the second the year begins, and it will only get progressively more insane with every passing second after that, until none of us will be able to comprehend the supposed reality set before us, which can only result in an eventual complete breakdown of our collective mental capacities and, of course, society itself.

Anyway!

Until that happens, check out the ten most-read posts we published in 2019:

10. We’re Sorry Sir, But ‘Finger Lickin’ Good’ Refers to Your Fingers Specifically – Not All Fingers in General

9. Minutes From Disney’s Secret Board Meeting That Takes Place Every Five Years When Walt is Defrosted and Brought Up to Date on Company Progress

8. 10 Tips for Making Your Pharmaceutical TV Spot as Generic as Possible

7. I’m the Guy Your Mom Warned You About… If Your Mom Warned You About Guys Who LOVE Solving Riddles!

6. 8 Times You Were Right About Us Insufferable Vegans All Along

5. Is My Boyfriend’s Love of Paul Thomas Anderson Ruining Our Relationship or Am I Just a Special Edition Blu-ray of ‘Boogie Nights’?

4. CONFIRMED: Evan Schwartz Becomes First From Bunk 10 to Receive Handjob

3. Poopsie Slime Surprise Unicorn-Inspired Toys

2. These Are the Weirdest Promotions in Major League Baseball History

1. God Has Put It on My Heart to Ask You Out for Coffee This Weekend and Then to Marry Me in Six Months