Create an enticing business on LinkedIn and continuously view their profile, despite never posting any job openings.
Tell them you think you could get them an interview where you work, then never bring it up again for as long as you live.
Go for a hug, only to stealthily tape a large piece of paper to their back that reads, “Doesn’t have 2-4 years of experience.”
List an internship as “paid” on Indeed only to then note that it is unpaid somewhere within the two-page job description.
Offer to let them see the resume you used to get hired, even though you’ve been working at your father’s company since high school.
Sneak up behind their chair and right as they sit down slip a recent student debt collection letter under them.
After they submit an online job application, ask them if they’ve called to follow up every day for the next three months.
Write a post about how employers no longer want to read cover letters and post it on your career advice blog underneath the last post about how essential the perfect cover letter is.
Tell them they should try networking.
Place a cup of water on top of their door, so that it will fall on them, covering them with water, right before the only job interview they’ve gotten from over six hundred applications.