1. You took your birth control pill 15 minutes late and you’re worried you’re pregnant, even though you haven’t had sex in 11 months and 27 days.
2. You haven’t had sex in 11 months and 27 days.
3. You saw a guy on Hinge who looked vaguely familiar. You swiped right. Does he think you’re a stalker now?
4. You realize that the reason he looked familiar was because he’s your second cousin.
5. You matched with your second cousin on Hinge.
6. He asked you on a date, but you’ve been trying to take some time to work on loving yourself.
7. On Friday, you have a date with someone who has the same great grandma as you.
8. You actually knew he was your second cousin when you swiped right. Deep down, you knew.
9. Your date on Friday has a shared dislike of broccoli. He also has a genetic mutation that causes six fingers on the right hand.
10. There is apparently a man who has a weird vendetta against your family.
11. Your date on Friday may have killed this man’s father?
12. He definitely killed this man’s father.
13. He’s been told to prepare to die by a man wielding an antique sword and a mullet.
14. You’re definitely jumping seven steps ahead and wondering if this is the right relationship for you.
15. Is it possible to get a security detail?
16. Also, other than the six fingers, what’s the likelihood of having a genetic abnormality passed down by Great Grandma Sue’s double DNA?
17. When you were 12, you got your period during gym class and it leaked through your shorts and you think you left a spot on the bleachers. Twenty years later, you’re still not sure. Did anyone see it?
