It’s a very sad day here at Robot Butt HQ, as we’ve lost the heart of our team. Ryan unfortunately passed away gently and quietly in his sleep during a routine skydiving excursion, after his chute didn’t deploy. Investigators on the scene said that it looked like his bag had been tampered with earlier in the day, and that someone had taken the parachute out of it. They also said it was stretched, as if someone had tried to replace the chute with an anvil, but failed to get it inside.
This news comes only a day after Ryan was named Robot Butt’s first team member of the month, making the timing all the more tragic. He is survived by his ex-wife Helen and their four beautiful boys.
He will be missed.