*In order to protect the identities of the two boys, they will referred to simply as Head (H), and Legs (L). L: Ok, so you sit on my shoulders, we’ll say that we’re a grown-up and that we want to be president. H: And if we win, we can make whatever rules we want! L: Yeah! Like, no school and free Fortnite skins. H: Yessssss. This is going to be so lit! L: So dad says that Donald Trump is the best president, so let’s watch him on YouTube to see how we should dress and act. H: Ok…..does your…
Author: Alex Laskey
Alex Laskey
Alex is a professional French horn player who sometimes writes down things he thinks are funny.
Name’s Walter. I’m 55 years old, proudly Republican, and I’m writing in strong opposition to the use of CRT TVs in schools. CRT TVs are the biggest threat to my child’s education since Michelle Obama forced schools to serve nothing but keenwa for lunch, and I’m not going to sit idly by and let it happen. When Tucker Carlson of Fox News first told me that I was against CRT in schools, I had no idea why. Even after I organized several protests against it, I was a bit confused on the issue. And I’ll admit, when I was threatening…
Light Blue Hospital Mask You’re the practical type. You’re not looking to make a big deal out of this, you’re just following the rules. They say wear a mask, you wear a mask. If this one breaks, no problem, you’ve got a pack of 100 just like it back home. You store them next to your supply of single-ply toilet paper. Your hobbies include watching TV and shopping for TVs. Your favorite character from The Office is Toby, but you could probably be convinced otherwise. When the barista gives you the wrong drink, you delight in a decision being made…