Dear Happy the Hamster: After an extensive and careful review of your medical history, it was determined that you don’t qualify for insurance due to the following reasons. According to our records, you have completed twelve pregnancies, each resulting in what we determined to be “genetically diseased offspring” since the newborns only lived for forty hours. Your decision to consume their corpses demonstrates high-risk mental health issues. We wish you the best of luck finding both another insurer and the psychiatric help you might need to endure any subsequent pregnancies. Dear Mama the Chicken: Your paperwork is being sent…
Author: Alison Lowenstein
Alison Lowenstein
Alison is a freelance writer and author of guidebooks, children’s books, and plays. You can find her at brooklynbaby.com and on Twitter @cityweekendsnyc.