Credit: A.Savin As an adjunct professor of astrophysics from Stanford, I didn’t want to believe him either. All my years of study had previously convinced me that if Earth had been visited by extraterrestrial life the scientific community would have been made aware, whether through odd heat signatures in our upper atmosphere, or disruptions in radio waves, or even just cell phone footage from one of the millions of people carrying an HD camera in their pocket. But today, former Blink-182 guitarist and co-lead singer Tom DeLonge showed me indisputable proof that aliens have made contact when he inserted a…
Author: Andrew Melzer
Andrew Melzer
Andrew Melzer is a writer and director whose work includes creating numerous award-winning short films, including the fantasy comedy 'The Street Wizards Apprentice,' 'The Morph Bots,' and Nickelodeon’s 'The Magic Hour.'
There are a lot of seemingly bogus fitness trends floating around these days. Self-improvement by adopting radical fitness regimes are being marketed at you every day from multilevel marketing schemes, self-help books, and trusted social media influencers. Some programs pride themselves on their complexity, integrating various fad diets with comprehensive exercise programs. Others tote a “single trick” to give you the body of your dreams. It’s difficult to decipher if a program is legit or not. Which is why for the past six months I tested out a program of just doing a hundred pull-ups a day, every day. Since…
“Which is why you are the only one with a heart pure enough to save Extrecia!” Zorbis, a two-foot-tall bearded gnome exclaims as he leads you by the hand away from the Roots stage. You were looking forward to hearing Bloc Party perform all of their 2005 seminal album Silent Alarm, but this literal call to adventure is hard to pass up. Especially because you are also this magical kingdom’s rightful king/queen/god emperor. According to Zobris, all you need to do is hop into the portal at the base of the porta-potty he crawled out of to be transported to…
What did I tell you! You refused to believe that the folder on my desktop full of videos of naked dudes consuming diapers was just research for this article dissecting fetish-based subcultures and not some kinky thing that I am “into.” Well read it and weep, because here it is. An article on a respected literary website where I am talking about the research I did. Boom. I look forward to hearing your apology. I realize it must have been shocking to find clips of strong men in the nude chowing down on sloppy wet diapers. Which is why I thought…
I know some of you are unaware of what I do for a living… the rest of you are well aware I work at a FedEx Office. Technically this is true, but I’ll admit a lie of omission. I wish I could tell you more, however management has informed me that legally the most specific thing I can say about my job is that I build copiers. Now for COMPLETELY UNRELATED REASONS, I have determined it has become important that my loved ones and I develop a secret shorthand to determine the difference between me and, let’s say, an “exact…