Author: Arianna Pozzuoli

1. Child in Milwaukee Tests Positive for Stink Eye 2. Cat Uses Scratch Post to Get Over Ex 3. Second Cousin Gives Worst Eulogy Ever 4. Six-Year-Old Asks Bartender for Disney on Ice 5. Bride Says Yes to WiFi Connection at the Altar 6. Helicopter Mom Lands on Son’s Report Card 7. Grandmother Mourns Death of Her Beloved Home Line 8. Dyson Vacuum Cleaner Unable to Pick Up Child From Daycare 9. Neighbor’s New Elephant Statue Makes Stunning Debut on Veranda 10. Christmas Shopper Finds Amazing Deals Nine Months Before Christmas

Is that eleven packs of Kirkland Signature 2-Ply Bath Tissues in your shopping cart or are you just happy to see me? Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by your six cases of Smart Water again? I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for the way you just grabbed nine containers of Garden of Life Probiotics off the shelf. I’m no photographer, but I can picture you, me and your twelve cartons of Oatly oat drinks nestled on the couch together. I must be in a museum because your leaning tower of Progresso…

1. Does this file make me look fat? 2. Is it bad that I’m just not in the mood to save as? 3. By attaching myself to this email, am I settling? 4. Is it safe to download for someone I barely know? 5. Will I catch a cold if I stay in this draft? 6. Am I too flat texted? 7. What side effects should I watch out for while reformatting? 8. Is it bad that I don’t remember how I opened up last night? 9. Is it normal to feel dizzy after being dragged and dropped? 10. Should I convert to Buddhism…

Donate your white sheet to the Salvation Army. Help a neighbor’s cellulite disappear. Make friends with roadkill. Offer to hang as someone’s laundry. Send a scare package to a relative in a senior’s home. Float in the air for 5K for a charity. Blow someone’s nose. Offer to trim the hair standing on the back of someone’s neck when he/she sees you. Teach someone how to vanish from a staff Christmas party. Offer a bartender an extra spirit.

The world has just been re-introduced to girl power all over again. Let’s be honest, women everywhere want to be happy that an out-of-this-world, mega beautiful, kick-ass, empowering woman who is supposedly funny and charming is about to be broadcast worldwide, but deep down inside, another part of us is freaking out. Why? Because the beauty standard just got a little higher. We’re still suffering the repercussions of Kim Kardashian and now there’s this. Don’t panic just yet! Just because you’re not on every subway and bus platform around the world, that doesn’t mean you are not destined for greatness.…