Author: B. Joseph Jackson

The legend of Beowulf is so epic that it was passed down through generations through word of mouth before being written down sometime between the 8th and 11th centuries. And maybe Beowulf’s sword, Hrunting, has maybe the most epic name of all time, but that isn’t what ultimately makes Beowulf so fucking brutal. What makes Beowulf so brutal is that when he rips the arm off of Grendel and sends him home crying, Grendel’s mom has something to say about it. So what does Beowulf do? He cuts her’s and her son’s head off. Brutal. Related articles 100 Words or…

Inevitably, death will come for us all. It will shake us from this mortal coil and force us to give up the ghost. For some of us, we’re able to push his visit further down the line, but for others, such as myself, he hovers in the background. Death watches every beer drank, every pizza eaten whole. As a twenty-something, I know that it is now my turn to take care of myself- that my metabolism is slowing, like a dying dog, just looking to take one last nap. But even though this is all rational and well and good,…

A part of the “What’s Up With Stuff?” series. A few weeks ago, the higher-ups at Robot Butt, in their infinite wisdom, decided to send my grandfather on a mission. Where he was going was a question that he could not answer, even at the behest of his family. He couldn’t even tell us how long he’d be gone. Well, friends, it saddens me to say that as he was waiting for a connecting flight to get to his first undisclosed location, he got a bit too drunk at the airport. For three weeks his body sat in a chair in…

We’re all busy people. Things move quickly. We don’t have time to stand around and smell the roses anymore. If it isn’t 4G LTE, then it ain’t working for me. I can’t wait for whatever gimmick comes along with 5G, but I digress. Sometimes you need to order a pizza. Personally, I feel the need to eat pizza whenever someone around me says the word “pizza.” I have to eat it within the next 24 hours or my hunger will go unsatiated. If you think like I do, which for your sake I hope isn’t the case, then you know…

There was supposed to be Wi-Fi on my flight, so I didn’t bring anything non-electronic to do. Spoiler: no Wi-Fi. Computers aren’t nearly as useful when you’re not online. I decided to jot down a few thoughts, as an experiment to see where the mind can go when not over stimulated: Airplanes sans Wi-Fi are modern sensory deprivation chambers. Wanted to make a Jetsons joke about the moving sidewalks, but couldn’t remember enough about the show. Tried to Google it out of habit. Seinfeld has a moving sidewalk joke. Bastard. Would “Zero Class” be above or below “First Class”? Related articles Digital…

I want to introduce you to the next big Internet thing, possibly the greatest emoticon to ever exist. It’s simple and elegant, and can be used for many reasons. Of course I’m talking about what I’ve dubbed the “Sunglasses With Attitude”, or “B(“. Use it when you want to just denote your badass attitude. Use it when you want to show your sadness in the Internet realm, but also want to show that you’re cool and with it. You can even use it to act like James Dean. If you don’t use it, I’ll be upset, but cool. B( Related…

They’re one of the bigger “buzz” bands of the last few years, and for good reason. Fucked Up plays fast and loud, but keeps their songs catchy, accessible and for lack of a better term, great. They’ve played live on MTV, where the hosts called them “Effed Up.” Billboard wrote an article on marketing a band with such a dirty name. Damian Abraham is unable to say his band’s name when he’s a pundit for Fox News. What’s a band to do? Maybe it’ll all get sorted out before “Cunted Up” comes into existence. Related articles The 10 Best Fucked…