It’s said President Lincoln stirred his coffee with his massive dick (it was the same length as his stovepipe hat). Despite doing this his entire life, he never burned his sensitive penile skin even once. When Abraham Lincoln stopped shaving his face, he also stopped shaving his pubic hair in order to mask his massive, massive dick. It did not work. When you say to yourself, “Wasn’t Abraham Lincoln born around now?” and you do a search only to discover that day was today, but he wasn’t birthed – he emerged from the sea foam, naked, clutching his luxurious hair…
Author: Brooke Knisley
Brooke Knisley
Brooke Knisley teaches in Emerson's Writing Studies program and is always looking for a new album to listen to. She has balance issues.