At Comic Con I am browsing a booth when I look up and notice Jon Arbuckle signing comics at a table. I cannot take my eyes off of him and decide to stand in line. He glances up from his work and our eyes meet briefly before he quickly looks away. When I finally stand at the front of the line, I can see that he is not wearing an undershirt and his nipples are erect. My heart flutters as I imagine ripping open his buttoned shirt right there. Our eyes lock. “Um… “ he says absently, “who should I…
Author: Caitlin Baker
Caitlin Baker
Caitlin Baker is a loving cat mom to Purrlock Holmes and Professor Meowriarty. She enjoys cooking, gardening, and secretly farting on her husband without him noticing.
Up On the Rooftop (Drip, Drip, Drip) Up on the rooftop, a foot of snow- You’re not used to seeing that at home. Won’t you fix the power, Santa, please? No, he’s off to Cancún to let you freeze. No, no, no! Who wouldn’t go! No, no, no! Who wouldn’t go! Up from the ceiling, drip, drip, drip! All your pipes have burst and Your state’s inept. Let It Snow (Please!) Oh, the weather outside is temperate And you couldn’t even tell that December’s more than halfway through. Please let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! Oh, we’ll…
It may surprise you to learn that even I, a venerable ship captain, am affected by the labor shortage. My ship, the Industry, has long been relied upon by the bourgeoisie to supply many fine, imported luxuries; however, since my crew was recently decimated by plague, I am loath to admit that I am inadequately staffed to meet the demands. A life of seamanship isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s a hard and joyless existence. Even so, I’ve always been able to find the necessary labor among the destitute and desperate. Although the work climate has little to offer…
Thank goodness 2020, the worst year of your privileged and extremely self-involved life, has finally come to an end. Suck it, 2020! It’s time to move on to something better without sparing a second thought on whether the year-long string of catastrophes was a culminating consequence of selfishness, individualism, and late-stage capitalism or just some random fluke of bad luck. Now that it’s finally over and 2021 is here, it’s time to get back to continuing to focus on you. Here are just a few ideas to ring in the new year with a new you without having to do…