We, your USPS, UPS, FedEx, and Amazon delivery drivers, want to thank you for your generosity in leaving out goodies for us every December while we deliver the fruits of your concerning displays of consumerism. (Even though you order a comparable number of packages year-round. Let’s not kid ourselves.) While we always appreciate a bottle of water and the occasional slightly crushed bag of chips, we’d like to discourage you from including the following items: Homemade cookies We all have our talents and baking isn’t one of yours. Cans of Diet Coke that exploded from the freezing temperatures There’s this…
Author: Caroline Horwitz
Caroline Horwitz
Caroline Horwitz lives in Pittsburgh with her family and has an MFA from Chatham University. Her humor writing is forthcoming in Weekly Humorist, Slackjaw, Frazzled, and Little Old Lady Comedy.