Let’s face it, folks…water is not hot. Muddy lakes, dirty bath water, Dasani…it may make up 70% of the world, but it needs a serious rebrand. Well, the fine folks at Brita were tired of sitting on the sidelines. This week, they introduced their newest filter that is designed to not only filter your tap water, but also make it more sensual. For five easy payments of $49.99, you can own your very own “Moist Maker.” Simply pour your unattractive tap water in and watch the immediate transformation from hideous H2O to alluring aqua. Water is the source of life,…
Author: Chris Cook
Chris Cook
Chris Cook is a standup comedian and humor writer based in Chicago. Writing credits include Robot Butt, Greener Pastures Magazine, Humor Darling, as well as his personal blog, Untimed Down Sports. He has studied at The Second City with a focus on stand up, satirical writing for the internet, as well as writing for late night TV & talk shows. In his free time, he enjoys being constantly disappointed by Chicago sports teams, playing with his Westminster Highland Terrier Ghost, and taking life very seriously.
It’s me, Allan Stewart Konigsberg. You may know me better as Woody Allen (or America’s Sweetheart). I am most recognized for being an Academy Award-winning director, Grammy-winning standup comedian, and writer. To be honest with you, none of that really matters to me. What you may not know about me, though, is that I love children. Of all of the things in the universe, children bring me the most joy. You know, the lack of awareness of all the cruelty in the world. The laughter from a silly joke or tickle. The greatest hug one could ever ask for. All…
1. Lack of Seating The true reason for a couch, if you’re familiar, is to sit. Taking a load off on your comfy Lay-Z-Boy is one of life’s simple pleasures. After a hard day’s work at the ‘ole 9-5, nothing sounds better than plopping your fat ass onto a cushion and flipping on Netflix. Wait, what’s this? Six white squares of varying size? Where did my couch go? Welp, I guess I’ll just go criss-cross applesauce on the floor tonight and watch Squid Game. 2. Creating Walls Between Couples and Friends One of today’s biggest societal issues are the walls…