Author: Dan Caprera

In today’s uncertain world, the stresses of daily life are oftentimes hard to manage. And now, in the face of a new, three-pronged viral epidemic, it is becoming all the more difficult to maintain a stable balance between physical and mental health. Especially when one still has to surmount their own unresolved emotional baggage. And I’m sorry folks… but this so-called ‘tripledemic’ could not have come at a worse time during the ongoing struggle to overcome my debilitating Oedipus Complex. Seriously. I mean, just how the heck am I supposed to focus on the flu, Covid, and RSV, when, almost…

Dear valued employees, I would just like to preface this email by saying that, recently, my computer was the target of a dangerous cyberattack. And, although the hackers did not gain access to any financial data, sadly, they were successful in planting a malicious virus onto my computer – a virus that, against my wishes, inserts random, hilarious GIFs of the animated characters known as “Minions” into all of my emails. I am working hard to fix this issue, but in the meantime, I sincerely apologize for this inconvenience. With that out of the way, it is my deep regret…

Dear Mr. Joker, Thank you for your submission to our humble comedy website. Every week we receive hundreds of phenomenal submissions, and we wish that we could publish them all. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that, at this time, we will be unable to publish your submission, a comedy article which you have titled, “Must Kill the Batman, the Batman Must Die.” Real funny stuff. But, sadly, we will be giving it a pass. Dear Mr. Joker, obviously we recognize that comedy is subjective. And we wish you the best of luck in all future writing endeavors. Unfortunately, in…

Let’s face it: in today’s busy world, becoming a parent has never been harder. And due to increasing work hours and lower wages, many young couples are waiting until things get “easier” before they have a kid. Unfortunately, while it’s all too easy to tell yourself that you’ll have kids whenever you’re “ready,” I’m here to tell you that’s just not true. Sorry, folks. But it never gets “easier.” It never gets “less stressful.” And, worst of all, there’s never a “right time” to have a child. Unless, of course, it’s during Childmas, the year-long Festival of Fertility (the once-a-decade…

Let’s face it, folks. In these fraught times, now, more than ever, we need to embrace a system of universal healthcare. Currently, over ten percent of all Americans have no health insurance whatsoever. And, for the good of the entire nation, we need to reform our broken healthcare system immediately. That’s why, to show my support for universal healthcare, for the next three weeks, I will be chaining myself to this majestic 2,000-year-old sequoia tree, and will be donating $50 to Oxfam each day until every single man, woman, and child in Tibet is free from the tyranny of China.…

Let’s face it. As children, we’re often exposed to stresses that end up defining our entire lives. Whether we had trouble fitting in with our peers, or we just had a bad case of acne, no matter how you look at it, growing up is difficult as heck. For example, when I was a child, I had an extremely strict upbringing, where I was expected to excel in every sphere of academia, whether I wanted to or not. In fact, looking back on it, growing up, there was really only one thing worse than not getting straight A’s on my…

Hey guys, can we chat for a second? Look. I realize that coal mining can be a wild business sometimes. What with all the cave-ins, landslides, and debilitating respiratory diseases… this job can get pretty darn zany. Even on a good day. But come on. This is getting ridiculous. Am I seriously the only one still making sure the canary is alive? Seriously? I’m sorry. But this is not appropriate behavior for the workplace, people! I mean, I get it. Walking all the way up to the canary cage every thirty minutes, just to see if he’s still chirping -…

Source: Netflix Let’s face it, folks, some marriages just aren’t built to last. And when you add kids into the mix, it can make things especially difficult. Do you get a divorce? Do you force yourself through a series of lengthy, arduous legal procedures? No, you’ve got to do what’s best for the children… right? That’s why, even though my wife, Sharon, and I may not care for each other anymore, we’ve done some serious soul searching. And we’ve decided to stay in our loveless marriage. At least until the kids from Stranger Things all make it into college. Then,…

As a devoted husband, people are always wondering how I’ve managed to stay in a loving marriage for the past three decades. “How do you do it?” people will say. “How do you keep a happy partnership for all those years without ever getting mad at your significant other?” And, obviously, while there are many things my wife, Sharon, and I do to keep our marriage fresh, there’s one surefire secret we have that always keeps our marriage as solid as a rock… Even though Sharon and I fight from time to time, we make it a point of habit…

Who doesn’t love the Chicago Bulls’ mascot Benny the Bull? What with his hysterical antics and genius sense of humor, Benny has been pranking Bulls fans for decades! Here are six times Benny the Bull SERIOUSLY pranked me by SERIOUSLY fucking up my credit score! When I Was Watching a Bulls Game Let’s start with an easy one. Back in 2015, I was watching a Chicago Bulls game when, out of nowhere, Benny the Bull pranked the living heck out of me! It was during the halftime show, and Benny was rocking out to the song “Jump Around” by House…