Author: Diana Arcia
Diana Arcia is a writer and playwright. She studied comedy at Second City and IO. She is a member of the Chicago-based theater production company Meter Feeders. Catch her on Twitter @darcia1879.
Dear Jesús: Thank you for your letter. Due to hurricane-related postal delays, this reply may not reach you until January. At which point, your wish list will be A Three King’s Day problem, not mine. You wrote that you are in first grade and that you’ve had good grades all year long. Anybody can maintain good grades when their school is closed for over two months and counting. So don’t brag too much. Even if I let that slide, we still have the issue of logistics. You live on a mountain, on an island surrounded by water on many sides – many, many sides.…
Common rules of human decency, neighborly courtesy and societal contracts dictate that we should pick up after our canine best friends. However, we must be tolerant of our fellow rebels who do not subscribe to this norm. You see, there’s an explanation for the existential madness involved in excrement pick-up refusal. Only a true art connoisseur can recognize the beauty hidden in our dog’s poop. Unlike hideous feline poop that must be kept out of sight, dog poop’s exquisiteness must be shared with the world even if most people don’t possess an eye for it. Canine poop is an art…