Credit: Keith Allison Austin, Tx – When Gov.Greg Abbott (R – Tx) decided to send dozens of busses full of asylum-seeking migrants on a one-way trip to The Big Apple, he certainly had no idea how inspirational the move would be. But the Mayor of New York City, Eric Adams (D), was taking notes. “The governor believes that these families, who came here for a better life, would find that life here.”, said a spokesperson from the mayor’s office. “We have some people around here that the city council feels has a better chance elsewhere.” That’s why the mayor had…
Author: E. O'Neill
E. O'Neill
E. O'Neill is a New Jersey native that watches the world but rarely participates. His work has appeared in Flexx Magazine, RUjoking, Little Old Lady Comedy and elsewhere. He has authored two well-received customer reviews on Amazon.
> I have paid some taxes in the past, and would release my returns if I could find them, but I’m really bad at keeping track of that stuff. > While many detractors will tell you that I live with my mother, I can assure you that my mother lives with me. Not the other way around. And the fact is that she keeps most of her Social Security check. > I acknowledge all out-of-wedlock children who filed the proper forms before the deadline. This acknowledgment, however, does not guarantee child support or holiday gifts of any kind, and does…
Every spring across our great nation, thousands of homeowners find themselves eyes deep in the treasures of a long and productive life. Your three-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bath cornucopia, with the full basement and detached garage, is spilling over with the fruits of your labor. It’s time for a liquidation sale. Given your taste for high-quality merchandise, this should be a profitable endeavor. That’s the forecast. The reality is that you can’t spin straw into gold. The new set of golf clubs you planned on buying with the proceeds is appearing to look more like a box of golf balls. Let’s examine some…
Has mankind taken the steps necessary to ensure its existence well into the future? Can we achieve world peace, and what shortcomings do we need to overcome to do so? Is there any way that 𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘺’𝘴 𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘺 can be stopped? Is travel through time possible, and would it be beneficial or detrimental to mankind? Does George Santos actually exist on any terrestrial plane, and can he be stopped? Should the New York Jets continue to exist as a professional football team, despite the clear lack of aptitude for the game? What is the most efficient and eco-friendly form of energy? …
Welcome to The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library and Dinner Theater, the jewel of Branson, MO. This is the only place in the world where visitors are immersed in the world of the MAGA Master himself. We offer a comprehensive look into the greatest presidency in the first two hundred and fifty years of the country’s history (and likely the next two hundred and fifty), as well as a fun, family-friendly show that will have you dancing in the aisle. Our blend of alternative fact-based revisionism, gold brocade drapery, and good old down-home hospitality creates the experience of a lifetime…
Hi. I’m Ice T, and anybody that knows me knows that I don’t like pickles and I don’t like special sauce. The problem is not everybody knows me, so even Ice T gets a bad order. That’s when ???????? goes to work. ???????? is the insurance you need when your drive-thru lunch order turns into a head-on collision. Don’t let a faulty intercom system ruin your day. With ???????? you can place your order knowing that it will all be taken care of eventually. Here’s how it works: 1. Drive through the golden arches and place an order for your…
Atlantic City – In a move unprecedented in organized religion, the World Council of Religion, a theologically diverse panel designed to create an open dialog between faiths, has voted to elevate online shopping corporation Amazon (AMZN) to the level of ‘Deity’, a title usually reserved for gods, saviors, and other omnipotent beings. Representatives from the major religions, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, and Catholicism – also known as “The Five Families” – met at The Borgata Hotel and Casino to discuss the possibility of promoting the online mega-merchant. This marks the first time a religion was born from a corporation and…
I met with the letter “u” at a bar next to the YMCA in downtown L.A. where he had a room. There was an initial reluctance on his part regarding the interview. The twenty-first member of the alphabet and last of the full-time vowels had not been heard from in several years. I don’t know if it was by design or not. But I knew that his perspective on the founder of the QAnon movement would be unique. Our chat was pleasant. We ordered drinks, then I showed him the headline about the latest conspiracy theory. u: Yeah. I saw…
My wife and I have no children. It’s for the best. We’re better off and so is the world. That’s because any offspring we might have brought into the world would never have been given a proper chance at life. My wife would make a wonderful parent. She’s nurturing, patient, and intelligent. I, on the other hand, am a careless, short-tempered, C+ student. I have absolutely no business delving into child development. No kids for us. You’re welcome. Parenting is not something that everyone is suited for. It’s not a task that you can half-ass, and that’s where I shine.…