1. Forgive him. 2. No, don’t forgive him. Science is important, and the shape of our world is not to be re-negotiated on a conspiratorial whim. 3. He’s so handsome, though. 4. And he always comes through in the clutch, like when LeBron is exhausted or in foul trouble. 5. Find a decent compromise. Perhaps the Earth could be shaped like a pickle, a refrigerator box, or a sleeping duck. 6. Your love with your lover is imaginary, anyway, as he’s a professional basketball player and you’ve never met him, so just use more imagination powder to further imagine that the whole flat-Earth…
Author: Holly Burdorff
Holly Burdorff
Holly Burdorff is an MFA candidate in creative writing at the University of Alabama. Her work appears in recent or forthcoming issues of Quarterly West, The Common, inter|rupture, and Cimarron Review.
Just one election cycle after a U.S.-born white man used a semi-automatic firearm to murder twenty young schoolchildren in Newport, Connecticut and half the country responded with a solid ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, a new set of policies and regulations promise to threaten the health and safety of our nation’s youth. House Republican Thomas Massie (R-KY) introduced the “Safe Students Act” to the House floor on January 3rd. If passed, it would repeal the Gun Free School Zones Act, because Thomas Massie is a fucking moron who thinks that the only thing that beats a bad guy with a gun is a TIMMY…
While I would have liked to join in on cheering for my home city’s team during the World Series, I’m unwilling to use such an offensive name. So let’s change it! Lots of people have suggested name ideas, including returning to old team names like the Lake Shores, Spiders, and Naps. Here are nine of my own suggestions: 1) Asshats: A temporary name that would function as self-flagellation for having such a racist name and logo for so many years. Excellent teamwear potential. 2) Goats: A group of goats, though most commonly referred to as a “herd,” can also be called a “tribe.”…