Hello there, I see you glancing to and fro as salt air tussles your finely crafted mullet. Perhaps you’re curious about the absolutely biblical level of destruction engulfing your existence. Perhaps you’re asking yourself, has Carnival upped its game? This is far nicer than that 5-day/4-night Cozumel cruise I took out of Galveston last spring break. Have you considered, maybe you’re not on a Carnival cruise, perhaps you’ve inadvertently committed a felony on the high seas? You aren’t sure? Here are a few signs to check for: The level of violence. The amount of blood, shocking viciousness, primeval combat, and…
Author: J.B. Stevens
J.B. Stevens
J.B. Stevens lives in the Southeastern United States with his wife and daughter. His comedic poem "Sangre Real," dedicated to the blood ties in the 'Fast and Furious' movies, was nominated for the Pushcart. He has published comedy with Points in Case, Slackjaw, the Daily Drunk, and numerous other places. He is a veteran of the Iraq war where he earned a Bronze Star. Prior to the war, he was an undefeated Mixed Martial Arts Fighter. J.B. graduated from The Citadel.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13. “Talkin’ out his neck, pistol to his throat. Blow this motherfucker, he gone choke. On the ground, on the floor. Someone pick him up, take him to the morgue.” – “Faneto” by Chief Keef I know what you’re thinking. “Eugene, what do Mormon youth pastors know about slinging blow?” and “Gene, you’re from Provo, Utah, why did you move to Little Haiti, take over a corner, and let your life devolve into a bloody tit-for-tat street war with a group of vicious gangsters, spending your days stacking…