Hey dudes, it’s me, Gilbert P. Bigfish. You might know me as the massive sport fish you caught while crushing White Claws over the Fourth. I’ve been noticing a lot of you fellas catching us, snapping a quick pic of us as our heads are bleeding out on your deck, and then tossing us back. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful you remembered the DNR’s minimum weight requirements. But I couldn’t help but see that your Tinder game blows chum, son! Lemme let you in on a couple of things I’ve learned out in the big blue. It’s the least…
Author: J.R. Youngblut
J.R. Youngblut
J.R. Youngblut is a writer living in Washington, D.C. In third grade, he was sent to the principal's office for calling a girl "goofy-looking" and then apologizing for it by saying she was "really sexy." He has been living with the guilt of that encounter ever since.
1. You got an apprenticeship at a Bitcoin mining guild 2. You’re auditioning to be a crisis actor or freelance protestor for George Soros 3. You’ve become a consoler for meninists that can’t get a match on Bumble 4. You’re backpacking around Europe to “find yourself” 5. You’re catering potable spirits at the first raw water convention 6. You’ll be catfishing tweens on Fortnite to get their parents’ credit card information 7. You’re composing a series of Medium essays on the state of public restrooms under a populist administration 8. You’re finally getting around to recovering that LinkedIn password of…
Wazzup party people, it’s cha’boi, Tyler Dylanson. We are going straight into the video here in a sec, but before we do, I wanted to address some of the recent controversy surrounding my last video, “DC Tourist nearly gets CURBSTOMPED by catapulted silicon dummy.” First, I want to say that nobody featured in this particular video was physically injured by myself or any members of my crew, the Party Pranksterz. As with all of our videos, we did not plan how we would react to launching a ballistics gel cadaver from a medieval mangonel replica onto the Arlington National Cemetery…