7:52 am: Idea for breakfast: waffles, but made of the bread that was thrown out the day before. 7:53 am: Pancakes made out of the crumbs of the previously mentioned waffles. 7:54 am: Scratch that, we have eggs from a can. 7:55am: Scratch that, we have no cans. 8:19 am: What if we stacked the most bruised food on top? That way all the food will become equally bruised. 8:21 am: No one is eating the bruised food. 8:22 am: I have spray-painted all the bananas black so no one can see the bruises. 8:25 am: This strategy has not…
Author: Jackson Weaver
Jackson Weaver
Jackson Weaver is a college student. His work has been featured in bathroom stalls across the country. If you enjoy his writing or just want to cyberbully him, follow him on Twitter @updogenthusiast.
After returning from my vacation in New Mexico, I decided to embrace my recently adopted heritage and change my name to Johñ Añdersoñ, and since that point, my worldview has been absolutely shattered. It all started with my 23andMe test results that revealed my great grandfather lived in New Mexico. All I had ever known about my family is that we had a long history of profiting off wars and cheating on our taxes. Little did I know that my lineage could be traced back to a small town outside of Albuquerque that had run my ancestors out for betting on…