*Editor’s note: What follows is a lightly edited version of the unpublished Samuel Beckett play “It Fell Behind the Washing Machine: A Tragedy In Three Acts.” Though it is unclear through historical records why this play had gone unpublished until now, in this editor’s opinion, it is because Mr. Beckett would have never, even in his darkest, most alcohol-adled times, wanted it to ever see the light of day… Anyways, here you go. ACT I HARRIETTA stands in her laundry room casually folding a basket of clean shirts. Her husband DIRTY DAN enters wearing only one sock and looking befuddled,…
Author: James Knapp
James Knapp
James is a menace to society and not to be trusted. He also writes for The Hard Times, JumpKick, End of the Bench, and anyone else who is willing to buy him a sandwich.
[The morning after Andy Dufresne’s escape attempt. Roll call. He still has not emerged from his cell.] GUARD CAPTAIN HADLEY: Dufresne! Get your ass out here! You’re holding up the… holy butt-sucking crap!!! What the hell are you covered in? DUFRESNE: It’s prison poop, captain. HADLEY: Fucking why?! DUFRESNE: I tried to escape last night. HADLEY: That in no way answers my question and really just raises further questions. Hang on, I gotta get the Warden down here for this. DUFRESNE: That makes sense. He’s probably pissed that I stole his shoes. HADLEY: What? No, he has to be told…
Please! Someone, anyone, you gotta help me get outta this! It’s been two and half decades that I’ve been going through the same motion and I just can’t take it anymore. That motion, by the way, is repeatedly laying out that guy from 90’s anarcho-pop band Chumbawamba. Yes, you heard me right: “anarcho-pop.” Look, I don’t get it either, but as I explain the situation further you’re probably gonna realize it’s the least of my worries. I think I’m stuck in some kind of fucked up time loop – or maybe hell. To be honest with you, I’m no longer…