His co-worker’s birthday. That the Detroit Tigers will struggle to compete for the AL Central again with such a small payroll. The military alphabet. That Kentucky Bluegrass is better for maintaining lawns in northern climates. That he’s okay separating the art from the artist if that artist is Eric Clapton. How to use 5% of his iPhone’s features. The one about the priest, the rabbi, and the fry cook. How to say roughly 15 words in Spanish (all cognates). The chords to “Seven Nation Army” on his electric guitar. The specs on that 1995 Ford GT he wants to get…
Author: Jordan De Padova and Dan Gutenberg
Jordan De Padova and Dan Gutenberg
Jordan De Padova is a senior at Brown University and editor of Brown's satire paper, The Brown Noser and Dan Gutenberg is a junior at the University of Michigan and editor of Michigan's satire paper, The Every Three Weekly.
Glitter Let’s face facts. Tap water isn’t cool. If it’s going to taste like nothing, shouldn’t it at least look good? While the nation’s geeks are drinking plain old tap water, America’s jocks are drinking rainbow Powerade that changes color the faster you chug it. That’s why every water treatment plant should start mixing glitter into the water supply. . Dior “Sauvage” Without a signature scent, tap water has no way to differentiate itself from every other boring odorless liquid like wood glue or silicone. But with just a spritz of Dior “Sauvage,” we can get people reaching for tap…