Speaking at the National Archives Museum, Mr. Trump vowed to counter what he called an emerging classroom narrative that “America is a wicked and racist nation,” and he said he would create a new “1776 Commission” to help “restore patriotic education to our schools.” – The New York Times History For the upcoming academic year, we will be moving away from textbooks and will adopt a statue-based learning approach. Students will be required to admiringly analyze monuments to American heroes, including President Trump, Robert E. Lee, Andrew Jackson and Christopher Columbus (not technically American but a very fine and important…
Author: Justin Cannon
Justin Cannon
Justin Cannon is a NYC-based advertising copywriter. He's an avid reader, runner and finger nail-biter.
I know, I know; this year has been a LOT but you couldn’t possibly forget about me, Global Warming, could you? Oh, you did? Okay, wow… this is awkward. I get that 2020 feels like it’s been going on for years but we’ve actually known each other for years, way before corona-whatever came along and started bogarting the spotlight! You do realize that as far as existential threats go, COVID-19 doesn’t have shit on me, right? I get it, “infectious diseases are bad blah blah blah.” But you know what, if they were really THAT bad you wouldn’t be able…
It all started last week after a large group of protesters ripped down the statue of Robert E. Lee next to the public library. In the days that followed, I noticed radical changes in my behavior unlike anything I’d ever seen. Before, I was your average suburbanite. I enjoyed simple things like watching classic movies and I had a solid job as a financial analyst. I had no prejudices and no grandiose political aspirations. Life was good. But now that the Confederate statue in town has been destroyed, I’ve suddenly become drawn to my ancestral lands and the white American…
Dear colleagues, There are rumors circulating on the internet that I have made racially insensitive and inappropriate remarks in the past. As your boss, I wanted to take a moment to address this with you all head on. I’m not racist and we can leave it at that. No need to dig around the internet in search of incriminating information. There’s no need to go to Twitter, no need to type my username into the search bar, and there’s definitely no need to read anything posted before 2013. Sure, those tweets might seem inappropriate but that’s because they’re being taken…
It’s recently come to my attention that there is a global healthcare crisis that’s led to thousands of deaths and millions of lost jobs. Absolutely tragic. What’s worse, brands around the world have indefinitely hit the pause button on their advertising for fear of saying something “tone deaf,” which is even more tragic. If you ask me, the mind behind Pepsi’s powerful and beautiful stance against police brutality featuring generational talent Kendall Jenner, it’s our responsibility – nay, our duty – to give consumers the branded entertainment they love in these trying times. We as brands have the unique opportunity…
As the subject of my auto reply suggests, I’m currently unable to respond to your message. In an attempt to discover deeper meaning in my role here as Program Coordinator, I’ve taken a formidable dose of LSD and the walls of my apartment could very well swallow me up at any second. I must remain alert and I appreciate your flexibility. In my absence, please direct all correspondence to Molly in account services (molly@accountservices.com). She should respond in a timely fashion and will be much less likely to do so in bright pink Comic Sans and Wingdings. If, however, Molly…