ALT TEXT: Photo of a human’s arm and torso shrugging, while standing next to giant bugmonster Mothra. CAPTION: “So, what’s up with this Mothra account?” is what you’ve probably been asking.We’ll start with the obvious: Oversized moth and monster queen Mothra is 10,000 years old,meaning she predates Godzilla by millennia. Godzilla, that whippersnapper, only comes aroundto fight our sweet moth goddess every other decade so DON’T SWEAT IT, COCOON-BABES!Glorious Mothra travels with two fairies, who are both mouthpieces for her dictates as well asher high priestesses, demonstrating for humans how to sing and move in Mothra’s honor(Soundcloud dropping soon so…
Author: Laura Eppinger
Laura Eppinger
Laura Eppinger is a Pushcart-nominated writer of fiction, poetry and essay. Her work has appeared at the Rumpus, the Toast, and elsewhere. She’s the blog editor at Newfound Journal. Find her here: https://lauraeppinger.blog/
It is me, Claire Colburn, from the oft-maligned 2005 film “Elizabethtown,” and may I just say? YOU SUCK! It’s possible the only thing you remember about me is that one negative review of the movie I star in coined the term “Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” while describing, well, ME. Thanks for that! (Or maybe you recall I was played by Kristen Dunst, a fabulous actor who is having A MOMENT right now. You give the Dunst the respect she deserves or I’ll summon Claudia from “Interview with the Vampire” to hunt you!) Whether I’ve ever been manic or a pixie…
There are fifty-two ways to murder anyone, but let’s keep this short and sweet, ideally less than two minutes long start to finish. The original horror-punk band truly comes alive every Halloween. Here are six ways to celebrate the night before All Hallows Eve, an evening of pranks and ding-dong-ditch for Misfits fans and New Jersey natives: 1. Perhaps you always wear white face paint, dripping black eyeliner, and your hair in a single dreadlock that hangs over your eyes. You’ll actually stand out a little less this time of year, but you can still scare children at the mall.…
The dog days are, well, just about to begin. The longest day of the year is the perfect time to eat strawberries and cream, braid some daisy chains, and adore Florence Welch of Florence + the Machine with your own secret ceremonials. You can, of course, worship her any day of the year. I saw her live and wept the whole time, not out of sadness, but out of adoration. Her songs (especially “What the Water Gave Me”) have brought me into meditative visions and healing dreams. Still, give her this day. To make Florence Welch your Solstice Goddess: Wear…
No one else sounds like Regina, a New York City punk with a Russian discipline for the classics. Her yeshiva education and her anti-folk leanings; her haunting voice and the bizarre stories she invents; her Moscow and her Bronx – these things make her up and they make her distinct. The unlikely juxtapositions are why we worship her. Maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee, and prepare a tea ceremony in honor of Regina Spektor: Tea starts promptly at 11:11. Use a Russian brand of tea for that extra Soviet Kitsch. Fill the teapot with hot water only.…
As the frontwoman of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Karen O is an inferno of energy and gold lamé. Perhaps you have loved her since the early 2000s, but want to take your devotion to the next level. Here are the steps to direct your ablutions in honor of Karen O: 1. Turn on the taps, wearing a onesie (crushed velvet preferred) and leggings (metallic preferred). Rip your clothes to shreds while the tubs fills. Remember to hiss. (Fever to Tell should be playing in the background.) 2. Take a swig of beer, now spit it back at yourself in the bathroom…
Please Disregard My Earlier Request to Be Taken Down to Atlantic City and Please Never Never Take Me There Roll of Thunder Road, Hear Me Cry “BRUUUUUUUUUUCE!” at Giants Stadium If I am Granted Tickets This Summer Holy Mother Can You Cool the Desire and Hungry Heart That Afflict Every Son and Daughter of a Factory Worker in This Crummy Shore Town Canticle to Make My Arms Swole and Rippling Underneath a Denim Vest Our Lady of My Hometown, Myyyyyy Hooome Toooown, Holy Mother of Yer Home Town, Yerrrrr Home Town Vespers for When I Stand Stone-Like at Midnight, Realizing…
What’s for dinner tonight – disappointment and Cup Noodles again? We know you work 70 hours a week between at least two jobs, but the gruesome phantom that is your student debt guarantees you’ll be living in substandard conditions until your 60th birthday. Why not download some meaningless apps to collect points or stars or pennies or whatever? It will at least distract you from the fact you will never be able to afford a house or even a decent apartment, or like, dinner tonight. You’ll certainly never be able to afford NOT clicking an ad promising some frugal “life…