Author: Laura McClain

To Whom It May Concern, I am writing to announce my resignation from Under Armour, effective immediately. I wish I could say that I have enjoyed my time here. When I was hired in the entry-level position of Senior Associate Executive Assistant Director of Digital Communications and Excellence, I was thrilled to join an organization with great name recognition and the highest-quality moisture-wicking products. I was told that I would be an integral part of the Under Armour family, engaging meaningfully with our valued customers by managing the “unsubscribe” email box. I was energized by this unique challenge but now…

Tyler Durden, Fight Club: Tyler founds a weekly salon where male-identifying individuals can discuss allyship and participate in team-building exercises to attempt to free themselves from the emotional repression instilled in boys from a young age. Beats the everloving shit out of the patriarchy while wearing rad tinted shades. James Bond, Octopussy et. al: Deferential to his female boss, James frequently collaborates with capable female colleagues with completely normal names to outmaneuver villains whose behavior is not a byproduct of their race or ethnicity. Gets laid on the reg but only after his partners enthusiastically consent. John Bender, The Breakfast…