Argh, it is I, the Gorton’s fisherman, the guy on the fish sticks box in the freezer at your local grocery store. This weather-worn face, bright yellow raincoat, and salty accent are back to dish out advice much like your mom dishes out my pub-style beer batter cod fillets! Today I am here to give ye advice on going back to school. What’s that? Ye think because I’m a fisherman who wears only yellow that I don’t care about education? I’ll have ye know that I graduated from Husson University in Maine. Known for its online and in-person classes, it’s…
Author: Lauren Morris
Lauren Morris
Lauren Morris is a writer, improviser, and the founder/director of AdLib Theatre Company. She studied improv at The Annoyance Theatre, iOWest and UCB, and she hosts a weekly podcast called The Improv Teachers (winner of Best of Improv Podcasts, 2017, PlayerFM). She is a veteran of numerous improv and theater festivals where she has been invited to perform and teach. As a writer, Lauren has been featured in publications such as Razed, Robot Butt, Points in Case, Slackjaw, and Belladonna and studied satire with The Second City. She produces and directs including original works from local playwrights via The Playwright’s Round Table and The Orlando Fringe Festival.
Argh, it is I, the Gorton’s fisherman, the guy on the fish sticks box in the freezer at your local grocery store. This weather-worn face, bright yellow raincoat, and salty accent are back to dish out advice much like your mom dishes out my tasty crispy battered fish fillets, and today I want to talk to you about swimsuit shopping! Now I know what ye are thinking. How could I, a sailor of the high seas who wears only rubbers, know anything about ladies’ swimwear? First off, you were assuming I was talking only about the ladies so who’s sexist…
Argh, it is I, the Gorton’s fisherman, the guy on the fish sticks box in the freezer at your local grocery store. Don’t let this weather-worn face, bright yellow raincoat, and salty accent fool you, I dish out advice much like your mom dishes out my tasty crispy battered fish fillets, and today’s topic is all about summer flings! I know all about the summer fling as well as I know a mainsail from a headsail and the tragedy they can bring! You see, it was the summer of my twenty-third year that I met a mermaid. Yer heard me…
Drink Corona and you’ll find yourself saying “life’s a beach.” This beer isn’t complete without the lime, you preach! Make sure to wear nothing but Vans on your feet. You’re working up the courage to ask that girl if she’d like to meet. Keep the drinks coming brah, because we’ve got some bad news… she’s out of your reach. You drink Blue Moon and own a Mac. Not craft beer, you say? Stop talking smack. Trouble is, they’re actually right. We know that gives your liberal heart quite a fright. Take your beer and don’t come back. Guinness…
1. Clean out your garden: Spring is here and it’s time to clean your garden and remove all remnants of winter. Start by removing weeds. Make sure that you get the roots so they won’t grow back. Speaking of roots, you clearly are going grey so this tip is a great way to forget the comment your kids made about mommy having “two-toned hair!” 2. Freshen up the soil: Soil is likely dried out and packed after winter – it’s time to add moisture. While you revitalize the soil, feel how soft it’s becoming. It’s only natural that thoughts of…
Dear Twitter, Fan Fiction, and the Internet: This CEASE AND DESIST ORDER is to inform you that your actions including but not limited to tweets, retweets, quoted tweets and other social media behavior about my demise in Miami have become unbearable. You may recall I visited Miami during the Shiver and Shake, That Demon’s a Snake case; however, I did not die there. After 10+ years of having to deal with this nonsense, I am demanding these rumors end. You are ordered to stop such activities immediately and cut me some slack – after all, I was thrown off of…