Your enemies periodically get constipated! There’s no way to explain your true motivations via email without sounding like the Unabomber. When straight men call women “cold,” it’s because they’re not acquiescing to thankless emotional labor. Jared Harris is now the most successful Mad Men actor (who’s not in a cult). In an emergency, you can dissolve shirt stains with spit. Fun, made-up times of the year like “resort season” and “festival season” only exist to sell you impractical pants. Your 30s don’t have to be as emotionally troubled as Forrest Gump’s. If you befriend them, crows will recognize you! Maybe…
Author: Marie Biondolillo
Marie Biondolillo
Marie Biondolillo is a Portland-based writer from Northwest Washington. Her fiction has been published by The Toast, The Wild Word, Points in Case, Beacon Quarterly, Every Pigeon, Waxing & Waning, and others. Her pilot 'Guess It Just Goes to Show' was a 2018 CineStory Original Comedy finalist. Follow her on Twitter at @chestnutclub.