Editor Walt here. One of our consistently hilarious contributors, Martti Nelson, has a new book out. It’s a wild adventure that manages to do the near-impossible task of satirizing a genre while still highlighting all the things we love about it. Martti was kind enough to let us run a short excerpt from the new book below: Chapter Six: The Princess Diarrhea-ies Our heroine, Sophie, has woken up in the second rom-com orchestrated by Tiffani the Psychic, who wears far too much pink and thinks Sophie needs to learn what real love is. I stomped my foot and ground out,…
Author: Martti Nelson
Martti Nelson
Martti Nelson is a writer from Los Angeles who could really use a nap right now. She’s on Twitter, so follow for more humor pieces, and possibly some fun period talk.
Welcome to Fred’s Feed & Farmaceuticals, where we supply everything you need for your farm to flourish, your ranch to rock, and your human heart to swell dangerously if you take too much cattle laxative to treat your cancer. But don’t let these worries stop you from thinking outside the box! Our animal medicine is the secret cure for everything, and congratulations to you for being smart enough to figure out that everyone but us is lying to you about medical care. We at Fred’s understand how you don’t trust Big Pharma. Or Big Government. Or Big Scientists Who Are…
Seemingly in childbirth, but actually just from attempting to pass the three goats I ate in one sitting. Being the Syphilis Sarah of the village. Turns out, the mammoth didn’t want to play with me. I tried to ask, “Where is the Roman bath?” but my Latin is poor and it came out, “Your slave doesn’t want to see you naked, you know.” Chanced some iffy mushrooms because I got lazy on the way to the town well. Burned as a witch for suggesting to my doctor that uterus-ghosts cannot be cured by spitting at them. FYI, shoes made of…