Author: Maury Levine

An audience of townspeople has gathered around a raised platform at the public square. A band of Troubadour musicians begins to play an upbeat Dorian scale using flutes, dulcimers, recorders, and lutes. A familiar man walks onto the platform between two groups of people. The audience politely applauds. STEPHEN: Be thee welcometh to our showth – Family Feudalism. I am thy host, Stephen Harvey. We shall undergo a grand entertainment this morrow. Introducing our competitor families: From the city of Florence, bid a fair welcometh to the Vassal family. In addition, from the city of Naples, bid an equivalent welcometh…

Some people say they’re smart, some people show it without using a single word. Psychology tells us that there are ways to radiate intelligence not by using words, but by using non-verbal cues. Comedy has shown that some of the most proficient users of non-verbal cues are mimes. In this article, we’ll explore ten ways mimes showcase their intelligence without having to say a word, and how using their techniques can boost other’s perception of your intelligence. 1. Practice Active Listening One of the best ways to appear smart without saying a word is through active listening. Bend sharply at…

“Love is not loveWhich alters when it alteration finds,Or bends with the remover to remove:Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark Therefore ignore my tattoo which bares the name of a former lover.” “My bounty is as boundless as the sea,My love is deep, The more I give to thee,Your heaving bosom doth give to me,The most exquisite glee.” “Thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings,And my financial bounty shall rain upon you, As thy merrily entertain.” “Doubt thou the stars are fire;Doubt that the sun doth move;Doubt truth to be a liar;But never doubt the significanceOf our singular…

Contamination in a facility that manufactures baseball bats has led to some unusual medical side affects among Major League bat boys, according to the Journal of Unusual Medical Side Effects. The manufacturer, Big Woodie Unlimited, supplies bats to all Major League teams. Big Woodie reported that an infestation of defecating bats in their facility led to the accidental shipment of contaminated bats to MLB teams. After handling the contaminated bats, bat boys had the following symptoms: 40 percent have rashes on their hands, 30 percent suffer from eye irritation, and 30 percent are evolving into vampires. Stories of vampire-evolving bat…

In what the league is calling “an unfortunate and unlikely confluence of errors,” the NBA accidentally drafted Grammy winning saxophonist Boney James. NBA Director of Draft Processing Brian Stephens explained, “As this year’s draft was beginning, we also welcomed thirty new summer interns into our office. Due to the unusually high number of interns, some were placed at desks that were not originally designated for intern use. It appears that one intern, Joseph Stokes, was placed at a desk where the computer access was several levels higher than what would normally be allowed for interns.” NBA Director of Information Systems…

London, England – Following the conclusion of this year’s tournament, Wimbledon will convert four of it’s legendary tennis courts into pickleball courts. Blarney Damonson, Executive Director of Membership Recruitment for Wimbledon, explained, “Right. We’ve been doing some research on our membership here, and we discovered that the average age of our members is currently seventy seven years old. That’s almost bloody eighty years old!” Damonson continued, “So, we got a little problem here. Our older members – they’re kicking the bucket, right? They’re expiring every day. We had two keel over just yesterday. We need to find new activities to bring some…

Motivation. Hard work. Perseverance. Goal setting. Overcoming setbacks. These are some words I use when giving a high school graduation speech. Have I used these words before? Absolutely. I opened my speech at a high school in an unpopular southern state using those exact same words. I may have used them in a different order. Might have started with perseverance. Doesn’t matter. What state was it? I can’t legally say, but it rhymes with “Bill’s a hippie.” Tonight, young people wearing oversized gowns, tonight is about you. Look around this multi purpose facility that we’re gathered in. It’s really just…

1. You’re a grizzled old character. 2. You’re many times smarter than a normal human. 3. You have enhanced eyesight. 4. You’re known as a protector in certain cultures. 5. You secure acquittals for your clients. 6. You secure pacts with unseemly entities. 7. You seek knowledge that is often hidden. 8. You work in the dark arts. 9. You can direct a blast of energy at a target. 10. You can direct your folksy charm at a target.  Answer Key: Warlock: 3, 9 Matlock: 5, 10 Both: 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 8

CBS has announced that the stars of the popular and jingle-infused Pepto Bismol commercials will join Usher for the Apple Music Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show on February 11. In an interview with CBS Sports, Usher said, “For many years I suffered from nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea just before my performances. Thanks to Pepto Bismol, I take a spoonful before I step onto the stage, and I’m ready to put on a great show for my fans. Plus, that jingle is so damned catchy!’ Charlie Edwards, known as The Girl Wearing Pink Pants in the Pepto Bismol…

You’re the last person I suspected! That alibi you gave me really held up well in court! You smell like the zoo! You’ve made static cling chic! I didn’t think you could sing Mambo Number Five for twenty-four straight hours! Your gravy literally saved my life! I can’t believe you swallowed it whole! Your solution to that quantum physics equation is both groundbreaking and hilarious! I’ve never seen anyone spit that far! Your bruise is simply beautiful! You’ve somehow managed to combine woodworking, origami, and pickleball into a fantastic new hobby! Your writing has really improved!