Author: Melody Hughes

As a worker at a job and a user of public transit, you’re inherently tangled up with people and modes of transportation that are, inexplicably and inextricably, shitty. While working and commuting, you’re surrounded by such a dense fog of disrespect, incompetence, and hostility that you are losing track of who is triggering your anxiety and what is causing your existential dread to surface so forcibly. You must determine the source of your stress so you can process it. You made a list of the behaviors that you find most troubling, and now you just need to answer one question:…

Technically, it’s still the weekend, but as you squirm in the sheets, making your 89th attempt to find a sleeping position that is comfortable enough to subdue your seething insomnia, you realize that technicalities, much like Sunday nights, are bullshit. Your morning begins innocently and even pleasantly, as Sundays often do. There’s the sleeping in, the overpriced coffee, the avoidance of chores, and the indulgence in phone-scrolling and episode-binging. By the time you remember your to-do list, half the day is gone, but this does not disturb you. Wrapped in the celestial breeziness of a Sunday afternoon, you languidly reach…

From the Desk of Mayor Bill de Blasio: You share the same reprehensible nature as every other insignificant asshole in this godless city, but you distinguish yourself from your fellow commuters by engaging in one simple act: you pretend to be polite. You follow social norms at all times in public places, wearing the mask of basic human decency as if it were your own flesh and blood. While friends and acquaintances see through your “please and thank you” facade almost immediately, to those of us who only know you as The Commuter Who Does No Wrong, you are infallible.…