Author: Michael Gerard

Have you ever met someone who really loves vegetables? As in, someone who really, really, truly loves vegetables? No. You most certainly have not. You haven’t even met someone who sort of loves vegetables. In fact, there’s a strong chance that you don’t even know a single, solitary human being who has eaten a vegetable in the last three months, do you? That is all to say that there is absolutely NO way that you yourself loves, likes, occasionally enjoys or even eats vegetables out of necessity. Let me explain. Ever since the beginning of the end of the infamous COVID-19 pandemic, people have…

Don’t worry, on and off again-ers, we want your money too. Welcome to Couplets, a new music streaming experience unlike anything you’ve ever thrown your money at post-Napster. Couplets is a unique streaming service in the way that it is designed for (you guessed it!) couples! The difference between Couplets and all those other nonsensical, money-sucking streaming apps is that we offer a couple of pricing plans! Are you ready to fall in love with Couplets? Are you ready to shack up with the newest, best music streaming service on the market? Are you ready for us to sell all…

I spent two months working in the Youngstown office of a major website (of whose name I will not disclose for fear of being Silly Putty’d to my car by a rather quirky editor) before being fired for my refusal to write articles on things that the publication higher-ups deemed “newsworthy” and “socially relevant” (whatever the fuck that means) but that I found to just be pure dumpster squash. I was not particularly angry or upset when this happened – not until I realized that I would no longer be able to afford the campground space I’d been sleeping on…

Sometimes when I cough people think I’m sneezing. This is a problem for me primarily because what almost always follows those coughs is an insistent “Bless you.” or even a firm and entirely uncalled-for “BLESS YOU!”. Regardless of the intensity level, I don’t very much appreciate being blessed, particularly when the reality of the situation is that I didn’t even sneeze.  Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with blessings. Anyone and everyone can go around blessing one another to their heart’s content for all I care, just don’t bless me, asshole, okay? Particularly, as I said before when I…

There’s nothing strange about the world of sports until you really start to look for it. That is unless you’re watching baseball. Now you might be thinking to yourself, “Hey, that’s America’s favorite pastime!, or “Hey, that’s an extremely sacred part of our sporting culture!” or even, “Hey, that’s yet another easy excuse for me to drink excessively on a weekday without turning any heads!” The fact is that you’re correct about all of those things (particularly the last one) but you have to understand that beneath the relaxing, summer sun-filled, hot dog eating competition that is Major League Baseball,…