Health and Dental: Of course you want this insurance. It’s why you come to work and put up with people you would never befriend if not for these benefits. Besides, it’s like a law or something, I think. Sign up. Vision: Does the world look a little out of focus even when you’re sober? You may need glasses. X-ray Vision: If you’re a superhero, and you lose your ability to look through walls, you’ll wish you had checked this box. Short-term Disability: Sick for five days in a row? You’ll need five more to do the paperwork for this benefit.…
Author: Mickey Hadick
Mickey Hadick
Mickey is a writer in Lansing, Michigan. He writes novels and other entertaining stuff, pretty much for free. He has studied for years to learn how to write (including satire at Second City).
American Ninja Warrior Health Insurance You’re on a platform at the start of a ridiculous obstacle course with balance beams to cross, walls to climb, and rings to grab with one hand. In the dream, you’re a young white man with a good job and health insurance; then you realize the obstacle course is your health insurance. You wouldn’t bother with the obstacles except your penis hurts when you urinate. The first balance beam is easy to cross but you’re stopped by your doctor’s receptionist because you don’t have an insurance card. You explain that you just started a new…
On a drunken dare, I ate seven Chalupa Supremes and drank seven hard seltzers. That night, as I prayed at the porcelain altar, the spirit of God visited me and said, “Behold, I reveal the end of the world to thee, and thou shalt bear witness, despite thine unworthiness.” I gazed upon the spirit, unsure of what was happening. He led me to the living room and sat me on the couch. “What the hell-” “Pay attention,” the spirit said. “Lest I smite thee.” … The spirit of God opened a hard seltzer and Mike, my insurance agent, appeared. His…
I went to sleep with the pandemic surging and the vaccine rollout botched and the climate crisis getting worse, and then the election was too close to call with the Senate in the balance and there were a-holes on Facebook complaining about voter fraud and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. In the morning, the domestic terrorists known as the Proud Boys showed up in D.C. to rally with the so-called president who told them “we will never concede” and that the vice president should refuse to certify the vote…
STARZ LIGHT: Less expensive version of STARZ STARZ BRIGHT: Same STARZ content, but the luminance is way too high FIRST STARZ I SEE TONIGHT: Their most expensive subscription grants you one wish VUDU CHILD: Vudu for kids VUDU DOLL: Only available in Haiti AMC+TNT: Old movies go BOOM! PBS+PBR: For fans of free television and cheap beer BRAVO + ENCORE + AUTHOR! AUTHOR!: Nothing but artsy-fartsy, narrative-driven drama with no recognizable names in the cast… not even Jeff Daniels A&E & IOU & Sometimes Y: Same borrowed content A&E always shows, but now with closed captioning of just the vowels…