Whether you’re planning or planning to attend a super bowl party today, these ins and outs are guaranteed to make you the hit of the function or ruin the whole day. IN: BUFFALO WINGS OUT: KIDS IN: LETTING THE DOG DRINK A LITTLE BEER OUT: WATCHING THE GAME IN: HAVING THE PLAYER’S NAMES WRITTEN ON YOUR HAND OUT: WHEN YOU GO TO THE COMMUNAL SNACK TABLE TO GET SOME DORITOS COOL RANCH AND KEVIN SNEAKS UP BEHIND YOU AND GETS ONTO HIS HANDS AND KNEES SO THAT FRED CAN COME UP AND PRETEND HE’S ALSO GRABBING SOME DCR BUT ACTUALLY…
Author: Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich is your father and he loves to share his advice and opinions regardless of if you want or need them. He also performs as three handsome boys in the Windy Apple of Chicago. See him live. See him dead. He is eternal. Insta: @mrmrmrsandwich
Editor’s Note [INTERNAL] Hey guys. I saw this one on the scheduler and it was marked “complete,” but I don’t think you finished it? What’s the joke or the bit? 10 Cool Photos of what? 10 Cool Photos That Will Make You Say blank? Just figured I’d un-schedule this one and see if you could flesh it out a bit more before we post. Thanks! 10. Dog on a Skateboard! 9. Hot Dog that’s a FOOT LONG Editor’s Note [INTERNAL] Hey guys. I saw that you marked this one complete again and put it back on the posting schedule. Please…
In a massive win for science, we gave 10-year-old Timmy Buckets a non-alcoholic beer and the keys to a 2007 Honda Civic. We wanted to see if the drink would affect his driving ability. Once behind the wheel, Timmy struggled to even make it out of the parking lot, banging into multiple other cars and begging us to not make him drive onto the highway. After the highway drive, we gathered information from Timmy and onlookers to gauge the results. When asked about the beer, Timmy said “it was yucky!” When asked about the car, he said “I’ve never driven…
Use this bingo board at your Oscar’s watch party for a guaranteed good time!
*Editor’s note: Our journalists didn’t pursue this story or really even know who these people are. Tucker emailed our scoop line saying he “finally wanted to go on the record.” Our fact checkers did a quick pass before we posted and were able to easily find evidence that Tucker not only wrote this entire story himself, but that the group is still together as of our publishing date. Hey everyone. As we all know, Mr. Sandwich, the titular comedy trio, broke up in the summer of 2016. There has been much stipulation as to the events that unfolded to make…
Believe it or not, all three of us, despite being massively successful at article writing, improv, and Reddit posting, are broke and jobless. We’ve been applying like crazy, but can’t seem to lock down any interviews. The Walt Disney corporation even responded to Tucker’s email calling him “unhirable,” whatever that means. We can’t afford to hire resume writers, so we just decided to take a pass at writing each other’s! Andrew Tucker Walter
The NFL regular season has come to a close which means we’ve finally gotten to what matters the most: contract negotiations between billionaires and millionaires. There’s 7 head coach openings right now. Which should mean 7 opportunities for some brand new minds to hit the scene. In reality, the same 7 old guys will trade teams like MTV’s Wife Swap with less dinner table scenes. We say enough! The NFL needs a shake up! And we mean something beyond just the wildcat offense or a white running back! We need new leaders on the field, and we’re not going to…
With the popularity of food challenges at an alltime high, I grabbed two buddies and decided that we needed to push ourselves to the limit and undoubtedly go viral in the process. I tried to find a challenge that wouldn’t break the bank, but also definitely hasn’t been done before. That’s when I found a potential challenge that couldn’t be more epic even if we added bacon. Eating an entire Burger King eight count of chicken nuggets in one sitting with just the three of us. For those that don’t know, BK (shorthand for Burger King) has eight nuggets for…
I, like so many others, come up with too many goals every year that I’ll never actually have the time or effort required to finish. That’s why this year I’ve decided to not only pick a resolution I know I can complete, but to also help my two good friends Andrew and Tucker out along the way. I asked them to send me their resolutions so I could help “motivate” and “encourage.” What they don’t know, is that I’ve actually decided that my sole goal for 2024 is to make sure they complete theirs, by any means necessary. Below is…