Okay, I am freaking out right now. We sent letters to Santa telling him exactly what we want for Christmas and we actually got replies! You can read our letters here. We will be sharing the responses we received below just to mark this significant moment in our lives. Response Letter Addressed to Walt Hi Walt, I’m the Santa you met at the Woodfield Mall of America today. I was taking my one allotted 5-minute piss break of the day, when you walked in the bathroom and said “there you are!” You proceeded to stick this letter in my back…
Author: Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich is your father and he loves to share his advice and opinions regardless of if you want or need them. He also performs as three handsome boys in the Windy Apple of Chicago. See him live. See him dead. He is eternal. Insta: @mrmrmrsandwich
Snowflakes, cheer, and capitalism fills the air. It is once again the season of giving and receiving presents from loved ones, people you didn’t realize you were supposed to get a gift for, and, most importantly, Santa Claus. Knowing we were gracious good boys all year long, Mr. Sandwich obviously wrote letters to the big guy spelling out exactly what we hope he will bring us. We’ve decided to post those letters here for posterity. Andrew’s Letter Dear Santa, Before I get started, here’s a link to a subway surfers gameplay video: https://youtu.be/7ghSziUQnhs?si=jfJnUWut5K47vUa9. Whenever I’m talking to my boys, I…
Every year, the president pardons two turkeys, saving them from a horrid Thanksgiving fate. This year, Turkeys Liberty and Bell received the high honor, but what about the other slew of turkeys currently serving sentences in maximum security turkey prison who were considered? The following turkeys were deemed too vile for any current or future pardon, and we can guarantee they will be cooked and devoured this Thanksgiving. Reginald G. Goozelman CRIME: NEVER VENMO’D THE TURKEY WHO TOOK CARE OF THE BILL You thought you weren’t breaking a law when you “forgot” to Venmo your friend after drinks the other…
Enough! Stop taking off your shoes and all of your masculinity just to do some light-hearted romping on polypropylene. We know this topic has been covered ten times over by every men’s lifestyle guru, but what all of those hacks and chiseled bod frauds say is that there isn’t a way to jump on a trampoline without looking like a little baby boy that needs his diaper changed. What we are here to tell you is that you DON’T have to sacrifice the most fun you’ll have this year just to keep up appearances. You can have it all with…