“He had a deep voice and said my name three times. I showed up in my cutest blood-stained romper and had a lovely candlelight dinner in his bathroom. He never contacted me again.” – Bloody Mary “It was doomed from the start. We both love the song ‘Come Sail Away,’ but she gets seasick and naturally lost interest after I told her about me being cursed to sail the seas forever.” – The Flying Dutchman “I thought I was ready. I’m no Scrooge and always picked up the check, but I mentioned my ex too many times one night and never heard from her again. She’s right. I need to move on.” – The Ghost of Christmas Past “To text thee or not…
Author: Nick Dotson
Nick Dotson
Nick Dotson is a jaded grad student from California. He works a lot and questions the five-day workweek. He currently lives in Washington, DC where he does his best to survive insurrections and fight off mosquitoes.
You receive calls from creditors at all hours of the day and not one of them inquires as to whether you have any money stashed in an offshore tax haven or in a shell company. You don’t have any money in an offshore tax haven. It was all stashed in the smoldering pile that was once your mattress. You vow never to smoke in bed again and find it very doable now that you can no longer afford a pack of cigarettes and don’t own a bed. Your eccentric uncle dies and bequeaths his Pepsi memorabilia collection to you. Your…