Is this thing on? Test one, two. Still nothing? Yeah, I think the mic’s stuck in my fur. That may be what’s cutting it out. Would you rather I do it? You seem hesitant to approach me. We’re not like the stereotypes, you know. The Big Bad Wolf is a fairy tale, you do know that? And we didn’t have to do this interview during lunar cycle. You guys called me, okay? It’s fine. Just tell me where you want the mic placed. Does it matter if it shows on my collar? *** Yes, I’m Harold. And, yes, I do…
Author: Nolan Yard
Nolan Yard
Nolan is a former child actor and musician. His work appears in Points in Case, The Haven, Defenestration, Robot Butt, Little Old Lady, and others. He once referred to Jay Leno as Joe, while in front of Jay Leno. Follow him on Twitter @his_dudesty.
This is the time for longing. Cupid fires his practiced bow, the arrow shaft traveling through thick chill air and striking this frail heart. The metal tip contains salve that spreads in my blood, calmed to simmer by your fragile face, laced with earmuffs, beanie, scarf, and frigidity. We try to kiss but our fabrics prevent it. The frostbitten gust beneath these icicle-laden trees whips up the flap of my ski hat. It looks like a dolphin waving hello, flipper nuzzled against my face. The flipper is shushing me, making taciturn my careless whispers. I kiss the fabric as do…
1) Know that drivers will be in a hurry on treacherous, winding mountain roads. They will try to pass you a quarter mile before it opens up to two lanes for them to do so safely. 2) Know that there are hoards of pronghorn that will stare at you at the side of the road, eerily watching you enter their state, as you eerily watch them, trying to decipher if they are indeed pronghorn and not ordinary deer. 3) Everything is bigger in Colorado (not Texas, although it is true in Texas) in regards to animals. The deer are not lawn ornaments.…
Let these documents serve as a proposal for many profitable ventures for which I am qualified. Being a successful well-known actor and celebrity, I am capable of branching out and developing numerous non-related revenue streams. Though I do not come from a business background, I have enough money to pay people who do. Though I do not have any background remotely in any of the endeavors for which I am about to outline, I do have celebrity, which people will mindlessly buy into no matter if I am unqualified or emphatically unqualified. My first embarkation into entrepreneurship concerns my book…