Huh, it’s seems like November is the time of year that everything is on fire, from elections to Thanksgiving arguments to literal fires that are spreading right now in this country. But there are some people who don’t want to admit when things happen plainly in front of our eyes, like a certain person we know: The wine that pairs well with this tweet is a Cabernet Sauvignon like Ridge Wine, which is produced in the famous California vineyards. This cedar, earthy wine helps you avoid the reality that the entire state of California is on fire while our dear…
Author: Olivia Sieck
Olivia Sieck
Olivia Sieck is a Chicago-based writer, performer, and a member of the Fellowship of the Ring. She’s also the literary manager of PS...Burlesque which is also based in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter (and Instagram) @livsieck.
Merriam-Webster defines winning as gaining, resulting in, or relating to victory in a contest or competition. The best way to use it in a sentence is, “The Kansas City Chiefs are winning 23-20 against the Denver Broncos.” Our “fearless” leader also used it well in a sentence right here: It’s pretty obvious that the best kind of wine that goes with that tweet is champagne. Champagne has been synonymous for celebrations and big wins. Its sparkly fruit flavors commemorate a joyous occasion and always bring a smile to your face. Champagne is also known to age well. So what I…
Buenos días and Happy Hispanic Heritage Month! Each year, Americans observe National Hispanic Heritage Month by celebrating the cultures of Hispanic and Latino Americans. And here to offer some kind words is our president himself: I think a good wine pair with these kind, yet hypocritical words would be a St Thomas Único 2005 cabernet sauvignon and merlot. This wine – 65 percent cabernet sauvignon and 35 percent merlot – is 100 percent from the Mexican region Ensenada Baja California. This wine is ideal for Americans celebrating this month, as its sweet fruitful flavor helps you relax and heightens your…
During the month of August, the weather is prone to heat waves and those make a lot of people hot-headed, like a certain friend of ours: Ooof! Omarosa is nuts, but this is a little uncalled for. A nice fit to pair with this tweet is a strong, full-bodied red wine, such as Syrah. My recommendation is a 2011 Hall Darwin Red Wine. When you take a sip of this wine, your mouth will savor its smooth and rich flavor, and that will help you blast your former boss knowing he will hit you right back. This wine has a…
Hello, or, what we will be saying in six months, Здравствуйте. Since we will look like a Tolstoy novel by 2019, let’s party it up like the Romanovs before they got shot in the head by the communists. Here’s the tweet for this month: This tweet will go really well with a Zinfandel, like The Federalist. With the really high ABV, this wine will help erase from your mind the fact that there’s an ongoing decline in democracy in America. If you want the best Zinfandel in the entire world, you should know it’s grown right here in California. Isn’t…
Greetings rangers! I’m back at it again after watching many, and I MEAN MANY, summits so far this month that I really do need to drink this month’s pairing, which works really well with this tweet right below us: The ocean poet Barron Pilgrim once said, “There is nothing sweeter than renewing an old friendship of one you love and respect and want to pay honor.” And I think that works well with the relationship between new and old friends Dennis Rodman, Kim Jong-un, and Donald Trump. The best wine that goes well with this tweet and renewed friendship would…
Hey guys! Are you surprised that a nuclear winter hasn’t killed us yet? I am, but I’m always hoping for next year. Anyways, don’t fret, as I’m back for this month’s wine pairing. Ugh! Why can’t the liberal media understand that Trump won fair and square during the 2016 election, and Russia was nothing more than a very supportive friend during his campaign? He’s been so honest about Russia, never interfering. So I feel the best wine to go with this tweet is a bold Aglianico, like the Aglianico del Taburno. The smoky flavor will take you back to the…
Greetings and salutations! Have you ever thought about draining the pain away when you see Donald Trump tweet? Do you need some wine to wash out that Popov you chugged? Well, I’m here to help. My name is Olivia, and after drinking copious amounts of Barefoot Wine in college and in my early twenties, I am your go-to sommelier here at Robot Butt. Every month I will suggest wine pairings for Trump’s tweets. Who needs a certification when your taste buds have changed drinking Three Buck Chuck? Here is this month’s tweet for my first pairing: My recommendation is a…
Many people look to their horoscope for advice in all areas of life. And since baseball season is finally here, and people often have trouble finding the best place to watch the game at the ballpark, I, your unqualified horoscope guru, am here to help! Aries: The best place for you is most likely the lower-level seats near the foul line where you can try to punch people in the face (never if it’s a five-year-old) so you can fulfill your dream of owning a baseball from a ballpark that you could just get at Target for ten bucks. Taurus: For…
Baseball season is my favorite time of year: getting a farmer’s tan, staying to watch the 15th inning because you are a sadist, and ALCOHOL. But who really wants to spend $9 for a drink that tastes like the Chicago River on St. Patrick’s Day when you could just bring one from home and sneak it into the park? You just have to be smart about it. Otherwise, you will witness one of the saddest sights in the whole wide world – security tossing that contraband beer in the trash. Save yourself that pain and follow these dos and don’ts of sneaking alcohol…