Travel is still restricted due to the ongoing global pandemic, and many people have had to cancel the European vacations they’d been planning for this summer. If you’re one of those disappointed people (or even if you’re just bored), here’s a detailed guide to transforming su casa (which is Italian for “your crappy apartment”) into the magical land of Italy! Play Super Mario Brothers. For breakfast, eat the leftover pizza from last night with some old Medaglia D’Oro espresso from the back of your cupboard mixed with hot water. have a big glass of Montepulciano. Doesn’t one of the guys…
Author: Polly Duff
Polly Duff
Polly Duff Kertis's writing has appeared in Little Old Lady Comedy, Tin House, and The Literary Review. She works as an English teacher from her kitchen in Brooklyn. For more humor and fiction, visit pollyduffkertis.com.
Shave my legs, wax my armpits, and clear-cut my bikini area. Fix the Internet without saying anything triggering. Study my Instagram feed, and assure me that I have better eyebrows than Lila, Darlene, and even Natasha, who is otherwise impressively tidy, paleo, and aware of memes. Choose what TV show to stream because I’ve already seen seasons 1-6 of Bar Rescue. Unsubscribe from all the emails in my Promotions tab (except the emails from the sex toy company that automatically enter me into all their win-a-free-vibrating-anal-bead contests). Check in on my supportive neighbor who has a weak kidney to make…