Jolly old St. Nicholas. Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Mover, shaker, love maker. The man we wait all year for to break and enter into our homes in the dead of night goes by many names, but I posit to you yet another: Sir. For years, we’ve unfairly pigeonholed this man into a singular wholesome role, completely ignoring the full range and exciting applications of his innate strengths. Perhaps we’ve just been too ashamed of how the twinkle in his eyes inspires lust in ours, or simply concerned that each of us are the only ones who harbor such seasonal wants.…