PAINESVILLE, Ohio – Police responded yesterday to a report of a local flower exposing itself while peeping in a beehive. The three-month-old bee lives on the 200 block of Auburn Road and reported the incident on Wednesday morning. The flower is reportedly purple and green with grossly engorged stamen.
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The appraisers on Antiques Roadshow were blown away this week when they came across one of the highest-valued collections in the show’s history. “I couldn’t believe it when I came across all this stuff in an old attic. It just looked like a bunch of old junk to me,” said Armand Pfeiffer, curator of the Smithsonian for the past three months.
“We’re all so busy throughout the week that it’s nice to sit down, have a fun ritual and bond over something we love.”
The President spent a long weekend relaxing with a cup of coffee and his Yahoo Fantasy Selective Services Draft page.
“Where else do you get the opportunity to meet such unique, interesting people from all walks of life?”
“Not only was my bracket busted, but I can hardly remember what she smells like anymore.”
“I just want you to know that I know.”
“Our fair city has seen worse days than this, and I know that through perseverance, hard work, and diligent accounting, Monkeyville will make it through this crisis.”