Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

“I’m in the business of fear and suffering. I drop millions on a marketing blitz and all of a sudden, I’ve got people showing up like this is going to be the time of their lives? Just the other day I had some fat, camera-toting tourist in a Hawaiian shirt try to take a picture with me and his family. Then they thanked me for the great vacation and asked where they could get some ‘authentic’ dinner before I burned the flesh right off their bones and trapped their souls for eternity. And you’re trying to tell me that ‘maybe…

Boston, MA – Calling his hot dog joke a “bona fide panty dropper,” 45-year-old Dan Singleton is reportedly killing it on his date. “I’ve been on at least three other OKCupid dates this year, and I can tell you, I really brought my A game to this one,” said Dan.