Author: The Robot Butt Staff

1. Check your breath and clothes for the smell of alcohol. Nothing? That’s good. That’s good. You’ve held out for nearly two months now. This is something else. 2. Is that a freshly dug, human-sized grave in the dirt over there or just a pretty big hole? Spatters of blood in and around the area might provide some insight. 3. Take a deep breath and retrace your steps. If you stumble over a lifeless body, congratulations, you found a clue! Your concept of reality should begin to unravel from there. 4. Don’t think about that pile of teeth back there. Just…don’t. 5. Try…

Can you believe Halloween is nearly here once again? It snuck up on us too, but if you’re planning to put razor blades into all the candy you’ll be passing out this year, don’t be left unprepared! With these eight essential tips, you’ll be ready for all of the neighborhood children come Halloween night: 1. All hard candies are out, obviously. Unless you’ve taken the time to build your own confectionary lab in your basement and can design a hard candy around a razor blade, stick to the soft stuff! 2. Most novices prefer small safety razors, but old pros know that…

Through some deep connections, we were able to acquire a bevy of original Star Trek: The Next Generation scripts, many of which were first drafts before any edits were made. That means there is a TON of brand-new material in them, including some eventually scrapped captain’s logs, like these: Captain’s Log, Stardate 53391.3: The Enterprise has just departed from Starbase 831. They had a primitive mechanism for disposing of human waste. I took my best guess and deposited mine in the rectangular porcelain tank that sat above an equally strange round bowl full of water. I only hope that they are…

The internet was set ablaze Monday with a viral video of a man having sexual intercourse with his McDonald’s McChicken sandwich. People were horrified at the sight of the man banging the McChicken, likely as a diversionary tactic to mask their own carnal desire to fuck their favorite food. Here at Robot Butt, we weren’t horrified by what we saw. No, we absolutely want to celebrate a man’s ability to openly share how he embodies the #LoveIsLove movement, but we do want to set the record straight on something: a McChicken is NOT the most fuckable food out there. Is…

We all love watching the big sports of the Olympics – the endless swimming, track and field, gymnastics, etc. But the best part of the Games is getting to see all of the bizarre sports that rarely get any attention. These sports can change pretty often, and it is so easy to forget they even existed in the Olympics at one point. But they did, and they can get pretty weird. Here are just 33 of the strangest sports in Olympic history: Midget Tossing (1950-1964) Dwarf Tossing (1968 – 1976) Little People Tossing? (1980) Little People Airborne Assistance Exercise (1984)…

https://youtu.be/eNWcMjMtI3c

With the 2016 Ghostbusters remake upon us, many filmgoers are in full nostalgia mode, looking back with fond memories to the original 1984 classic and its sequel. But true Ghostbusters fans know the roots go back a bit further. Let’s examine some of the groundbreaking horror-comedies from yesteryear that set the foundation for the genre and shocked your grandparents and great-grandparents, while still keeping them in stitches. The Unusual Incident of the Bogey Murderers and the Kindly Gentlemen Who Slain Them – 1847 Released during a renewed interest in the afterlife following such grisly incidents as the Mexican-American War…

Summertime is here! But holy cow, the heat. My God, the heat! Who needs it? You sure as hell don’t! But here’s the thing. You don’t need to let the sweltering, unforgiving heat ruin yet another summer for you. No one wants the heat constantly invading their good time like Gary over in accounting, so by following these 23 essential tips, your summer will no doubt be packed with the three essential B’s: babes, brews and buds. Hit the city pool for that refreshing blend of water, chlorine, and bodily fluid ratatouille. Slather on plenty of sunscreen to protect you…

Are you always left wondering if you’ve celebrated Memorial Day like a True American™? When you’re watching that Memorial Day parade or barbecuing on the porch with family and friends, do you always think there is more you could be doing to honor our servicemen and women? Well guess what? There is! But you’re in luck, because we’ve put together twenty essential Memorial Day activities that will take your celebrating to the next level: Put the “memory” back in Memorial Day by memorizing the name of every U.S. soldier who died in the line of duty. It’s good to have tradition on…

We at Robot Butt love the NFL draft, but you know what we love even more than the draft itself? Mock drafts, baby! That’s why we put together our ultimate fantasy mock draft mock draft to make some much-needed sense of this year’s crop of talent. 1. Los Angeles Rams Mel Kiper’s 2005 Mock Draft #3: Los Angeles traded up for a reason. They have so many holes to fill and season ticket holders to gain with the move. They need a spark and the players in this mock draft from 2005 is the best bet. 2. Philadelphia Eagles Scott Hound…