Author: The Robot Butt Staff

Here’s a picture of a guy milking his cow, but this really doesn’t look right. If I were at a library computer right now, I’d be looking over my shoulder constantly, wondering how the adult content filters didn’t catch the obscenity of that frothy mix being stroked into the bucket. Look, I know this is supposed to be a picture of someone milking a cow. But could you in good conscience show this image to a child? I’ve always heard that Asian porn is bizarre. Is this what people are talking about? Is this Asian porn? I mean…how…

As the first state in the nation to have an actual primary vote, New Hampshire holds a ton of significance in the race for the White House. If you flounder here, your campaign could be toast. Put up a great showing as an underdog, though, and it could be just what you need to get your campaign rolling. So if you’re serious about becoming the next president, you need to prove to New Hampshire residents that you truly love the state more than the rest of those posers you’re running against. Be sure to utilize these tips as you campaign in…

1. “Careless Whisper” – George Michael Whoa! Bet you never thought George Michael would dance with cats! 2. “Hey Jude” – The Beatles Paul really loved his childhood cat, huh? 3. “Gangster’s Paradise” – Coolio MIND. BLOWN. 4. “…And Justice For All” – Metallica Didn’t know this one was about cats? That’s ’cause you’re stupid! 5. “Night On Bald Mountain” – Modest Mussorgsky Shut the fuck up! For real?! 6. “Who Let The Dogs Out?” – Baha Men No, really, stop. I can’t do this anymore. I…I thought my journalism degree would get me further than…

Ted Cruz looks like: The manager of an under-performing Hardee’s The grotesque result of Microsoft Office Assistant Clippy’s wish to become a real boy Your coworker Lloyd from Accounts Payable who eats alone at his desk during the company Christmas party A gremlin that found a suit A fart that materialized into a human being The guy who got Pantera banned from your hometown He always had his hair combed as a kid and had to wear a suit on picture day Your neighbor who calls 911 when your dogs bark Geppetto’s real, disowned son A poorly-disguised vampire A proper smile…

So it’s 2016 and your love life just isn’t what you hoped it would be. That’s okay, because we’re here to help you turn things around. Is your resolution to spice things up in the bedroom? Do you simply just want to meet someone? No matter what you want for your love life, utilizing the following scintillating tips will ensure that you get everything you want in the love department this year. 1. Invest in your love life. Let someone know just how special they are by sending your dick pics in 4K this time. 2. Role-playing can add some…

Say what you will about New York’s nightlife scene, but the fact remains that the city is still the party center of the world. So in our yearly update, we found the top five most-happening bathroom lines in the city that you’ve just got to check out. Hitting the club alone? Don’t worry, we know the city is a lonely place, so we’ve also written five of the most off-the-hook friendship-making tips to make sure your night gets off to a banging start! The Up & Up – A high-end venue for young professionals and professional partiers. Insider Tip: Bathroom lines can be a…

With the close of 2015, it’s time to look back (to the future, that is). From hoverboards to self-lacing shoes, thumbprint IDs to Google Glass, Back to the Future II predicted a lot of amazing things, so let’s take a look at some of the most impressive! 1. American Patriot Kim Davis We all remember the famous scene where a Hill Valley resident tells Marty McFly that the gay marriage ruling was “a hundred-to-one shot,” but we might forget how bold this prediction really was. Not only did the Back to the Future II writers predict a homosexual-tolerant world in 2015…

https://youtu.be/vtW6y9PPdg0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If607waOrE0&feature=youtu.be The anticipation for Star Wars: The Force Awakens has reached a fever pitch, aided by a brilliant marketing campaign that has refused to spoil some of the biggest moments of the movie. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still guess as to what’s going to happen when this film is finally unleashed upon the public. Here are 20 predictions for what’s going to happen in The Force Awakens: J.J. Abrams delivers on his promise to return incest to the plot of the new trilogy in a big way. In a powerful scene, the Rebel Alliance realizes droids are basically slaves and everyone…