Author: Rowdy Geirsson

Okay, so it’s been a full three years now since I first put on the Icelandic necropants. It all started out as a New Year’s Resolution, and I thought it was a pretty good idea at the time. And you know what? It wasn’t just a good idea—it was a spectacular idea. The desiccated epidermis of the lower half of a long-deceased human man makes a bold fashion statement like no other. The necropants are also tough to beat in terms of durability and performance (the magical, money-producing scrotum being a key feature). My necropants have also proven to be a…

Well, I’m two years deep into wearing my Icelandic necropants now and all I have to say is this: I’m going for a third in a row. A year ago I wasn’t so sure I’d stick it out for 2023 also. I mean, two years of wearing a dead man’s epidermis (including the scrotum) as your outer lower-half layer is probably enough, right? But therein lies the conundrum: I’ve learned that it’s not possible to take the necropants off. I may be somewhat delusional, but I enjoy telling myself that I’ve got what it takes to always wear my necropants…

Last year, I made a bold and daring New Year’s resolution: to finally start wearing the Icelandic necropants, and to do so for a full year. And this year, my resolution is just as bold and daring: to continue wearing the Icelandic necropants for another full year. But what are the necropants, you might ask, in case you missed my previous resolution or never caught a glimpse of me galavanting around in them this past year? Well, they are the flayed leg skin of a dead man dug up from the grave, imbued with magical properties and stitched together to form a…

So the thing is, I’m cleaning up around here right now because I think it’s always good to try and be prepared. I know you tend to prefer spontaneity yourself since you just waltzed in here unannounced, but me, I kind of like to plan. And since my place is a bit cluttered at the moment I’ve decided to start moving all the breakable items out of reach now that we’ve entered what I like to call the “London air raid” phase of our relationship. See there – now that I said it, the air raid sirens are going off…

At the start of every year, people are always like, “Did you make a New Year’s resolution?” And I’m always like, “No.” And then they always proceed to tell me all about their new diets and plans to exercise more and maybe how they intend to finish that novel they’ve sort of been working on about a heavy metal guitar-playing witch from Appalachia or whatever. But this year is going to be different. This year I’ve actually made a New Year’s resolution, and when people ask me about it, I’m going to be very open and direct with my answer.…

Ever since I was little – but especially since my later teenage years – I’ve been told to follow my passion. That my passion would lead me to happiness, joy, and fulfillment in life. Well, I followed my passion and it led me to this filthy puddle behind a dumpster in a dark alley. It turns out that my undying passion for the study of reanimated medieval corpses in the culturally Swedish Åland Island region of Finland is not beneficial to anyone anywhere. If only I had seen it coming. If only I had been warned. My passion was supposed…

Thank you for your interest in Der Laufenführer’s Hostile German, the new über-advanced home fitness system set to revolutionize the home fitness industry! Here you will find answers to all of the most common questions about Der Laufenführer’s Hostile German. What is Der Laufenführer’s Hostile German? Simply put, Der Laufenführer’s Hostile German is the first home fitness system to ever blend American stereotypes about Germany with an actual German, who is incredibly hostile, to deliver the most nerve-wracking and über-intense home exercise experience ever imagined. How does Der Laufenführer’s Hostile German work? Whereas other home fitness systems tend to rely…