Author: Ryan Ciecwisz

So you think you’re a real New Yorker, with your rainbow bagels, avocado toast, and motley crew of catchphrase-spouting ninja turtles of which you call yourself a member, huh? Well, I’ve got some bad news for you, buddy. You ain’t a New Yorker ‘til you’ve abducted an enormous gorilla from an island of prehistoric monstrosities unaffected by time (and I ain’t talkin’ bout Staten Island – zing!), brought it back to the Big Apple, and inadvertently caused its death and major destruction to the city. My family and I have been kidnapping Kongs from Skull Island for four generations. We’ve…