Hours, Pay and Benefits DESPERATE CAT OWNER will be compensated in the form of company, cuteness and occasionally cuddles from APATHETIC CAT. The standard hours of work for DESPERATE CAT OWNER will be 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. DESPERATE CAT OWNER must be able to pay out-of-pocket expenses for pet visits, toys and yummy food. DESPERATE CAT OWNER is entitled to benefits in the form of opportunities to take adorable, Instagrammable photos of APATHETIC CAT. DESPERATE CAT OWNER is entitled to 7 vacation days if, and only if, they are able to arrange for a cat sitter.…
Author: Samuel Dunsiger
Samuel Dunsiger
Samuel Dunsiger is a writer, educator and part-time amateur comedian/storyteller based in Toronto, Canada. He once chased a fly around his apartment, with his pants around his ankles. All of his life decisions have led up to that moment. Twitter: @samdunsiger
“Scheiße! The theory of relativity never prepared me for the frustration of opening this bag!” “If E=MC², then the mass of the produce bag should change if I manipulate the energy of the bag.” “If I pinch the edges of the bag, then the particles of the bag should separate and the bag should open. That’s what quantum mechanics told me… when I invented quantum mechanics.” “I won a Nobel Prize, but I can’t even open a simple bag?” (After shaking the bag to get it to open) “I thought it would work if I increased the bag’s kinetic energy.…