There is a certain amount of sophistication that is expected at your first shady political fundraiser. Uncouth behavior or a social faux pas shall ruin the evening and mortify your undisclosed donors. When you sit down at the table, take note of the large congressional plate before you. There are many utensils on both the alt-right and left, and although they have different uses, also notice that they are basically the same. Really, really, the same. On both sides. Knowing which utensils to use as all your questionable campaign contributions come to your plate is truly the mark of a refined criminal. Let’s begin…
Author: Shannon Carpenter
Shannon Carpenter
Shannon Carpenter is a strapping older gentleman who enjoys the occasional donut topped with chocolate. And sprinkles, yeah sprinkles. Sprinkles are the bomb. As an at-home dad for the last nine years, he vows to take all comers in the speed diaper-changing challenge. Bring your A-game. Read more of his adventures, with his three kids, at www.hossmanathome.com. Currently represented by The Kepner Agency.
“I’ve got to pee,” the five-year-old says. We’ve been on the road for twenty minutes. Only nine more hours to go. After a quick stop at a questionable truck stop bathroom, I’m pretty sure I have herpes just from breathing in that bathroom. Then we are back in the car, ready to endure the fabled family road trip. It doesn’t matter where we are going. The trip is just something that every father has to do. It’s like those guys that run triathlons for fun except there is more throwing up from exhaustion on the road trip. In the first…
It’s time to be honest with myself: I am a very big deal in Eastern Europe. There is just no ignoring the huge following I have over there. The Slavic countries freaking love me. I should set up a book tour and meet single ladies interested in me. And then I will get pills. I don’t know what kind of pills, but I’m sure my blog followers will let me know once I visit. For a long time, as I continued to write into the void, I ignored that huge fan base. I jotted down my little funny stories, posted…