Author: Sophie Cohen

Expressing their satisfaction with Amazon’s return policy, apogee aliens released a public statement to thank Amazon for their support in returning a product which appeared to have arrived in substandard condition. “Jeff Bezos was nothing like what we ordered; unfortunately, he looked very poorly manufactured and his shaven head was exceedingly phallic,” shared John Smith, alien of 23 years, explaining the reasoning behind his displeasure with the shipment. “We filed a complaint with Amazon and the employees were so gracious. They guaranteed us a refund and even strongly suggested that we keep the damaged product. It was almost as if…