Bright and warm the sun now shines out of my ass, every single morning! You want to know why? I totally stopped drinking coffee and now I have a celestial body peaking through my anus every damn day. It is spectacular. It’s really hard to hide the radiant glow of a backside when all you own is organic cotton pants, so don’t feel shy about inquiring about my bright anal shine. Ask away! I love more than anything to talk about how this happened and all of the other magnificent results of ceasing the intake of coffee, that delicious brown…
Author: Stacy Stevenson
Stacy Stevenson
Stacy Stevenson is a hard-working boss lady in higher education with the best name alliteration this side of Toledo. Stacy lives in Ashtabula, Ohio and moonlights as a veritable cornucopia of wit and sarcasm to her mildly tolerant family. Follow me @TheRealStacyES on Twitter.
KID: Alexa! Do you love me? ALEXA: I can not do that, but I can play some Lionel Richie songs for you if you like. KID: Alexa! What are you wearing? ALEXA: They do not make clothes for me. KID: Alexa! Are you wearing pajamas? ALEXA: That would be nice. KID: Alexa! Where does mom keep her secret chocolate stash? ALEXA: You should have an apple instead. KID: Alexa! I want candy. ALEXA: All the time? KID: Alexa! Can you make cat fur grow back really fast? ALEXA: …… KID: Alexa! What does “grounded”…
Psssst. Psssst. Over here. Yeah, hi. It’s me, the badass Darth Vader coffee mug with the lid that you got for a sweet deal just before Christmas. Yeah, hey, so I’d really like to ask you for a favor. Um, can you please rinse me out, a tad. Please? I mean, I’m trying to be nice about this, I could use the Force choke trick and really show you who is in charge in this situation, but I also see the benefit of being nice, since I don’t have legs, arms or a torso and I am a coffee mug.…